Thursday, December 19, 2013

Things I've Been Afraid To Tell You

I am going to jump on the band wagon and join two other lovely ladies on this trend. I recently saw Erin from Living In Yellow post on her Facebook this post and after reading is, I was inspired. Then Erin posted her own + I knew I needed to be a little more honest with myself + this blog. I feel like as a whole, I'm pretty open as a blogger. I lay a lot of things out here and it IS scary. I know at any moment someone could read this blog and tear me to pieces, thankfully that hasn't happened yet. I find it so helpful to me to be honest with you all but there are things I haven't wrote here, things I'm not sure I've ever told anyone else.

So here some of them are..
 I struggle a lot with feeling as if I'll "never be good enough" and now that Mikal and I have went our separate ways, it's hit me harder than ever. I feel like these feelings are really going to put a huge hold on me getting out and making new friends and even possibly a new mister in my life.

The thought of being an adult and knowing that I will sooner than later have to fully depend on just myself scares the crap out of me, but I also look forward to being on my own.

I feel like I should have my life more together by now. I'm 21 and I don't feel I have much to show for it. I hate telling people I'm not working or that I'm not in school.. and honestly I don't even know if going to college is the right thing for me. It seems like most of my friends are in college, have good jobs or have a family by now and I have none of that.

I am insanely jealous of the people who can keep up with their blog, post perfect content time after time + maintain social media. I suck so badly at keeping up with things + I don't have anything else to do. I know some people are parents, have jobs and still write kick ass posts.

I, like most people, struggle with body issues. I have always been a heavier person and now my health is more important than ever. I don't want to be stick thin but I know I need to be in better shape.

I make far too many excuses.

I want to pick up a daily vlog channel but then I realize that I have no life and the videos would only be me eating lots of food, watching Netflix and talking to my cat. I have no life.

I want everyone to like me. It's such a curse because I want to please everyone and I know I can't.

I always want to look at the positive side to things but of course I get down too. I know everyone has bad days but I feel so guilty posting about my bad days often. I don't want people to pity me and I feel like I have to be the strong one. I also feel bad when I post about doing things for myself (that involve money, mostly) because I'm worried people will judge me because I should use my money for things like therapy. I don't honestly feel I need to justify where my money goes, but for those of you who MAY wonder: I have many different savings accounts and my sister is in control of all the medical money I get.

Are there things YOU want to get off your chest? Write them out and link them below in the comments!
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  1. One of the biggest things i struggle with is in your last paragraph. Sometimes I don't even feel like I can vent to my best friends when I'm down because they might "get tired of me." Once again I am realizing, these things are healthy and why we have friends!! If you ever need to chat, you've got a friend in me :)

  2. Wow girl, such truth here. I feel all the time like I have to censor myself on my blog. Can't post about my friends - what if they read it? Can't post about money - people will think I'm spoiled! (Even though I work.) Can't post about relationships - what if they end? the list goes on. I always love you + your blog and how honest you can be with us. Much love, lady!

  3. Same to you! My email is always open and I'm always ready to listen. I've seen a lot of people talk about how their friends aren't there for them anymore + I know first hand how badly that sucks.

  4. Try being 28 and not feeling like you have it together!! My husband and I have had a hard time finding & keeping full time work because of the fields we're in. We didn't want to give up on our dream jobs so unfortunately it puts us behind in life a little compared to friends. What I've learned through the whole thing is to figure out what you want (in life, to live, to do, etc.) and work your butt off to get it! We're not there yet but we're working on it!!

  5. and that is the best advice! Hard work pays off in the end. I understand it must be frustrating for you and your husband to have to deal with that. keep your head up and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless + Merry Christmas


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