Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Remaining Friends after a Break Up

Today's question was do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up? and my answer is yes, of course. At least, I TRY to remain civil/close to the person after a breakup. I know some of you are probably shaking your head right now and saying to yourself "that just can't happen." and I totally respect that and realize it's not for some people, but here's my take on the situation.

I don't know what it is about me, but I simply cannot let go of people I was once close to. Some people tell me I'm too nice or that I let people walk all over me. I guess I don't really see it that way. I always think "at one point, this person had something about them that made me like them enough to date them, surely we can get back to that point." Sometimes it's easier than others. I have ex boyfriends that are super sweet dudes + I know if for some reason I needed them for something, I could call and they would be there for me. I have others that I don't talk to anymore, just because it's awkward.

In the same sense, it depends on how serious the relationship was. I dated one of my ex boyfriends for a year. I moved in with him, I had a promise ring, I even wore his mothers necklace. I was head over heels in love with this dude. We had a bad breakup (I don't want to type out all the details or honestly even think about it)  + it was really hard to talk to him for a while. Since I lived with him, I had to go pick up my stuff at his house and watch both of us cry as I packed the last of my things into my sisters car. It was so rough + I honestly never thought I would talk to him ever again.That was almost a year ago + I still talk to him from time to time. Even though things still aren't great or back to the way they were before we dated, we still can remain civil. It's a tad bit more awkward talking to him than it is talking to someone I dated for two weeks.

I actually can't think of one of my exboyfriends that I wouldn't talk to if the chance came up. I may not agree with a lot of their choices (one of my ex boyfriends actually just got arrested. I pick winners.) but I would never be rude to them. I try not to bring up the past or remind them of the things that went bad, simply because I don't want to be reminded of it myself. I do have this ex that thinks it's "funny" to be a complete buttface on Facebook + leave stupid comments on things I post. I erased him (and his number from my phone) but if he just happened to be in the mall + he said "hello" first, I wouldn't ignore him or try to steer clear of his path.

Do you still close to your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend after you break up? 
I'd love to hear your input on the subject below.


  1. It all depends on the situation and the people I think. Some people are great friends with their ex's, and I think that's amazing. While others can't do it. Too much has happened, or maybe it would be destructive if they stayed friends. It's different for everyone. There isn't a clear cut formula for break ups and relationships and friendships. You just have to ... figure it out as you go.

  2. I don't know...I think it's a pretty case-by-case basis sort of thing. I also dated a guy for a long time and had a similar ugly breakup. We really couldn't look at each other for the longest time and it was awful, but necessary. Looking back, if we would have tried to immediately switch to being friends, we probably would have gotten back together which...yeah no shouldn't ever happen. Ever. But now that we've gotten a lot of space (I went to college three months after, only coming home during breaks) we can hang out and it's only a little bit weird. I read somewhere too that after a breakup, good or bad, you and him should take a month off from each other, so no weird after-feelings crop up...and that's what I do now! Thus far it's worked out pretty well. :]

    1. Yeah, the guy I dated for a long period of time isn't like a best friend. We just talk when we have too (like when my mail gets sent to his house. awful) and sometimes just because. It's usually awkward though.

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