Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Late Night Thoughts.

Being in a wheelchair has really opened my eyes to a lot of things I would have never thought of before.

I guess I never realized the struggle people go through or the pain. Not just physically, but mentally too. It's such a tough battle to face + I am blessed to have a relationship with Christ + a wonderful supportive family, group of friends and community behind me. There's so much more that goes into it + I never realized it all before. That's why I'm here though, to tell you all what I wish I would have known years ago.

I guess I sort of "made fun" of people who were different. Though I've always kind of been different myself, I found it easier just to laugh at others to hide my own insecurities. Now that I am the one being stared at or sometimes even at the end of a "joke" that others pass off, I know how bad it feels. I guess it doesn't really bother me as much as it would some people because I'm a pretty confident person + I know my chair doesn't change my personality one bit. In fact, over the last 6 months I have grown up so much + matured in my thinking, I feel a whole lot better with the person I am today. There are days where things do get me down, though. I feel ugly sometimes, I feel useless There are days where those "jokes" really get to me, but I know that I am a beautiful masterpiece that my Father in Heaven loves so much. It hurts my heart to know that others may not know that love + that's why I share my story.That's why I write here + make videos. I have a story that God wants me to share with others so maybe they can learn that love too. It's so hard to keep quiet about His love + I feel the need to write this right now.

I've said it so many times that you never know what sort of battle someone is facing. To be honest, there were many days were I thought about killing myself after my wreck + I know that if I would not have had Christ, the love + support of everyone, I might have. I wanted to make things "easier" for everyone. What I realized is how selfish that is. I know that if people would have treated me badly or made fun of me, it would have pushed me closer to that point. Without anyone knowing, everyone rushed to support me + love me for who I was, walking or not. I didn't realize how important it was, and still is, for me to share my story with the world. I want to share it because like I said, someone out there may  not have Christ in their heart as I do + they may be feeling the way I first felt, but worse. They may be the one who is at the end of many jokes, the person who feels like they have nobody. But, you have me + you have a Father in Heaven who loves you very very much.

Most people ask "Sabrina, how can you love God if He did this to you?" My answer is the same. God didn't do this to me. We are allowed to make our own choices + God sometimes allows things to happen. My wreck was one of those things. If you know me at all, you know I was headed down the wrong path before. I struggled (and still do) with lust + putting sex before God in all that I did. I wasn't close to God at all. In fact, I was getting farther + farther away from Him daily. My injury caused me to put my life on hold + focus on what I didn't like about how my life was going. The only 100% truth I had was God. The doctors don't know, the nurses don't know, no human knows what my future holds. God knows though + I know He has my best interest in mind. So, yeah I may never walk again but it's what God has planned for me + if that's the case, I am okay with it. God has given me so many amazing people who are behind me who love me and care for me. God has given me the chance to talk about my struggles with you all + use it for His glory and I am so blessed to have that.

So I leave you with this. Think about your words + your actions this week. Maybe do a random act of kindness for a stranger or tell someone they look nice. Donate some time to a charity or go sit by the kid who always eats lunch alone. You may not realize what one small nice gesture could do to someones life. You might be the only positive light they have in their life.

God Bless.

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