Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Honest To Blog: Burning Bridges.

I attempted to write something like this last night. I sat here staring at a blank screen just hoping the words would come to me. I spent a lot of time trying to organize my thoughts, find key points I wanted to stress and make sure I got them across. After the events of today, I finally feel I can sit here and say these things.

Over the last few months, I've said I feel like I lost friends. Mostly I mean, I lost a few certain people that I was close to before my accident. It hurts knowing that people I used to speak to every day, people I called my BEST FRIENDS, left me. I obviously needed the support of people at first because I was scared. I need the support now, too. Don't get me wrong, but at first I was terrified and it hurt way worse knowing that I had only a handful of people I knew I could turn to when I needed to vent. Of course, I have my family, certain friends and this blog to "vent" to, but sometimes it's really hard for me to be 100% honest about the tough situations I face. I guess you can say that I don't letting people know I have a weak side. I don't even know why I feel this way, to be honest. I know it's okay to have a bad day every now and then but I try to keep myself under control.

With all that being said, I finally realized last night that I am at a moment in my life where I feel 400% happy with things I have and who I am. I feel like I've finally "found" who I really am. I am more confident with myself now then I feel I have ever been. I know it sounds crazy because just five short months ago, I was worried sick over what others would think of me because I was in a chair. I was terrified of what others may say. I honestly felt like I was useless and ugly. The fact that I lost those friends made me feel even worse because I felt they were leaving me because of my accident and because they didn't wanna be "burdened" with having to "deal" with me.

You know what I say to those "friends"? Screw you. I realized today that karma DOES come back to bite them and it's way worse than anything I could/would have done. I feel so happy that I can cut ties with people who bring me down, don't support me and make me feel like I'm a "normal" person. I can't tell you how many nights I spent crying because my "friend" wouldn't reply to my texts about needing to talk or worrying myself sick over the negative things people may say. It was seriously the WORST feeling in the world. It got better though and I have never been happier with the choices I've made in my life.  God has blessed me by placing positive, supportive and loving people in my life just when I needed it most.

I feel like I've said this all over and over again. The things that I have heard about over the last day made me realize that burning those bridges WAS a good thing. I actually had a short conversation with one of these said "friends" today. The things that were said in the short amount of time we texted made me thankful I wasn't a part of his life anymore. I realize how much I've changed (for the better) and that he was bringing me down.

I look back now at the relationship I had with this guy (Let's call him Tom) and I had many warning signs that I was going to get hurt eventually. When you're in that place and you feel like this person completes you, it's hard to see past that. I always tend to look for the good in people and this case was no different. Eventually, Tom did what everyone said he would do. He left and at a moment in time when I needed Tom the most. It broke my heart. I spent many nights praying for Tom and hoping that Tom would come back. He didn't and today when Tom texted me, I realized how thankful I am that Tom had shut me out of his life. He said "I've been better and I hope that makes you feel alright." as if I was going to be at peace because he was having a rough time. Don't get me wrong, I did wish some bad things upon Tom. After praying about it, I realized it was foolish of me to even want something negative to happen in his life just because he hurt me. Sure enough, today he told me he wrecked his car and that his *lovely* girlfriend could be breaking up with him. Karma came back tenfold. I realized then that I didn't care to know what he was doing in his life, where he was going or how he was doing. If we kept talking, I would have eventually become one of his little games that he could pull out when he burnt his own bridges with his other flings. My heart would have got hurt even more because of his selfish actions.

Basically, I just want to let you all know that I am the happiest person I could ever be and it's mostly thanks to the love and support of the people who have always been there for me. I realize people come and go in life and lessons will be learned the hard way. It's a hard fact of life and something that you can't escape. I also realize that I will probably always have someone/something that will be negative in my life and I just have to take it as it is. I know people are always going to say or do mean things, that's part of life. As the saying goes, life goes on. Even if it seems hard, let go of anything that is bringing you down. There are far, far better things ahead than what we left behind.

Pssttt: I created a fan page for Cattails. Be a cool kid and like us. (: click here to "like" us!

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