Sunday, November 27, 2011

Honest To Blog: Feeling Defeated

 I don't want to come across as being negative or like I'm asking for a pity party- because I'm not. There's just somethings I need to get off my chest..  Lately, I've been working a lot. I just moved out on my own and I'm going to school full time. The only free time I have is after work. I have been losing sleep and missing classes because I just haven't felt like waking up once I do let myself sleep. I'm behind on so many things and the more I get behind, the worse I feel. I feel guilty when I'm  not doing things that I know I should be, like editing photos working on the blog or trying to finish homework. I've been trying to finish this price booklet, which only makes me more stressed because I can't figure out how to do the things I want to do & it doesn't look as good as I want it to. To make this mess all worse, I left my hard drive at Aaron's last night and won't be able to finish edits until I can get over to his house to get it.. I am a mess.

I just feel like I'm letting everyone down. I set goals and deadlines and end up missing them because I just don't have the time to get everything done. I set such high expectations for myself and when I don't reach them, I only get more upset at myself. I make big plans for my blog and most of the time things don't go as planned..not to mention my awful attitude I've had lately. I've been such a negative Nancy (much as this post proves) and I can't hardly stand to be around myself anymore. I get easily annoyed by others, I've even caught myself making rude comments towards my friends/family. While I was never the most positive person, I still know that I'm letting things get the best of me.

I'm hoping that getting this off my chest will help me grow. I'm hoping that because I was finally able to be real with myself (& all of you) that I'll be able to put focus on the things I wish to change and work harder at them. I guess I'm just trying to say I'm sorry for the way I've been lately. A complete jerk and full of hypocritical things to say. Again, not asking for you to feel sorry for me because I put myself in each situation I get in. It's always been hard for me to open up to people, because I don't like showing that something bothers me. I'd rather put on "tough face". Instead of letting people know things bother me, I either shrug it off or try to fight back. Which in turn usually makes me look like a huge jerk.

I promise I have the best of intentions, they just usually come across wrong. I have been a bit of a hypocrite lately and have said things that have obviously ticked people off  but I'm going to work harder and try not to point the finger at people, even if it can't be pointed back. I think a lot of it comes with people not knowing how to read me. let's face it, everyone is a bit of a hypocrite at times, agreed?

I guess I'm getting a bit off track's late and I need the rest. I'll leave you with this..

What do YOU do when you're feeling down/defeated?

send me an email (sabrinatakespictures[at]gmail[dot]com)

Honest to Blog is a place where I get real & share some of the struggles, my embarrassing stories and whatever else that may be on my mind.
The idea for a weekly "Honest To Blog" Post came from miss Kaelah.   

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