Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Little Heart To Heart.

I've been meaning to write a personal post for a while now. If you're not here for that- don't stay. I know some people get so bent out of shape because bloggers decide to talk "too much about their personal life" on their blog- but hello, this is MY blog and I'll talk about what I want. I'm (not) sorry if that bothers you.

 I've been completely overwhelmed lately. I've been having a lot of anxiety and "bad days". Maybe it's because I'm a female + those things are just bound to happen, but there's a lot of my plate and I feel that it's showing through this blog. I love being able to come here + share my struggles with you all because you're all so full of positive things that help lift me up and remember why I'm still pushing. I love that about this blog + I am so thankful for each and every one of you that goes out of your way to comment this blog, tweet me or email me. Whatever you do- I'm super thankful that I have people who support me.

Let's talk about the personal stuff that's got me down + then we will get to this blog. It'll all come together, I promise.

I have been planning to move back home for a few months now. My therapy is coming to an end (I have about 5 visits left per insurance) and I need to figure something out so I can get back into a therapy center where I can continue working hard to get something back. I've been really stressed out because my therapist is such a negative Nancy + he holds me back so much. He never listens to me when I ask to try new things or be put on the treadmill so I can walk- He always finds an excuse + we waste another 45 minute session. I'm too much of a baby to step up and say something to him..I've tried but he just says I'm not ready. That aside- I need to move back home. I don't really have any leads on where I want to move + I'm kind of waiting on Mikal to get his stuff together so we can get a place together. I'm honestly afraid of living on my own and I need someone who can be there for me.

With all that weighing on me- I worry about school. I am so ready to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Go back to doing things I would have done if I never would have had my car accident. It's been a year (and some) and I need to stop letting it hold me back. I know what I want to go to school for but I don't know where I want to go. I want to go for Graphic Design + Photography but I don't think I'm ready for going back to a campus- I want to take online classes. I've sent out emails to the school here so I can try to start taking classes before the new semester starts. I am so stressed about that and trying to move.

Then I'm planning this trip to Florida for my 21st birthday. I don't think it's my place to explain to anyone or justify why I'm wanting to get away- I just do. I've been trying to save up money + so far I'm doing good. However, I'm going back home this weekend + I'll be staying with Mikal for a while. He wants me to stay until we leave for Florida but I just don't think I can manage that. Not only would it be hard to save money there, I have medical needs I have to meet + I can't meet those needs in Indiana when everything is still in Tennessee. If I stay for the time Mikal wants me to- I have to take Gregory with me. Gregory is my cat + Mikal seems to think that Greg gave his house fleas. I've sprayed Gregory here but I'm just worried it won't be good enough. Mikal doesn't really have a job right now- so I'm saving up the money for Florida by myself + when I stay with him, I'll be spending money for our food + living expenses. He gets money every now + then when he does odd jobs but that isn't going to be enough to pay for both of us to eat. He's also trying to get his car fixed + it's just a lot of stress that is really bringing me down. Mikal is trying to get a job but it isn't that easy + he does the very best he can for right now. I'm just super worried about money so I felt the need to save up for Florida by myself. He is going to help but I have always tried to depend on myself . and that's what I'm doing now. Mikal is a great guy + I don't want this to seem as anything other than that. It isn't like he just sits around and lets me pay for everything- He is doing all he can + I know that. It's just my personality to make sure things are taking care of so I depend on myself. I chose to pay for everything and save up by myself.

I hate to gush such personal stuff- but all this stress is showing in my blog. I haven't been excited to blog lately. I just know I have a schedule to meet + I do it half- assed so I can say it's done. That's not what I want for this blog. I want to enjoy doing it again but with everything else that's going on- blogging seems like a hassle to me.

I am sorry if this post was the most boring thing you've ever read- if you even read it all. I just really am sorry I've sucked so bad lately. I will still blog as much as I can but if I don't feel up to blogging that day- I may not always post. I hope you understand + if you don't, well I'm sorry.



  1. I'm so sorry to hear this dear!
    I wish I could say that I understand, but I don't. I haven't been in a wheelchair and living on my own.

    You are so strong to keep pushing through all of this! I'm so proud of you. And I promise I'll email you tomorrow after Orientation with some more Graphic Design information(:

    Lastly, blogging becomes a hassle at times! You still have to live your life, so live it! It doesn't matter if you don't post every so often 'cause you're bummed out.

    Have a lovely day!
    -XO Abbigayle Rashae

  2. Sabrina, you go do what you have to do. If you need a break, take one, and if you need to gush feel free to do that also. You should really put your foot down with your therapist. If you want something, you tell him. You're paying for his services, so he needs to fulfill his end of it. It sounds like you're really struggling, and I feel for you. I respect and admire that you're so independent, even if things aren't great. I hope things pick up for you. Take care <3 :)

  3. Hon, we all have times when we feel totally overwhelmed. If you sit with your end goal in mind, eg, Florida, and just hold that, everything will fall in to place. Also, totally stand up to your therapist if he is being a douche!


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