Sunday, October 28, 2012

Dating: Why I Am Leaving It up to God.

This really doesn't have a lot to do with my progress/ or my injury itself just something I really wanna express and talk about because its been on my heart.

First things first: Most of you are curious if Dillion & I broke up because he couldn't handle my situation. I don't wanna say that's what happened. Dillion was working nights & started to oversleep so he couldn't come see me. We were barely talking or seeing each other and it became very stressful to me to maintain a relationship with little to no communication. It was a lot to handle & we had only been dating for like, four months. I couldn't really be a good girlfriend because I could barely even take care of myself. There is a lot more that goes into it but I don't want negative things being said on my blog about my past. I broke up with Dillion because I knew it was a hard situation to be in & I could tell he wasn't in it anymore. I don't talk to him anymore. It's better off that way. :) the past is the past & yes, there are things I miss but I know I'm better off this way & I really hope the best for him in whatever he does. That's all that needs to be said on that matter.

I know I posted a Facebook status about this a while back. Dating is something that's been on my heart a lot lately. I bet you're probably thinking "shouldn't you be focused on other things?" And yes, I should. You also have to realize I am 20 year old female. Boys are going to cross my mind so I do what I know best to do- I pray.

I do a lot (a whole lot) of thinking about the future & where I wanna be. I know I have a lot ahead of me but I always think about my future husband. I pray for him & I even used to keep a notebook for him. I know that God has a *perfect* dude for me & he is everything I'll ever need in a husband.

The waiting part is hard. I always wonder if I've met the man I'm going to marry. I wonder what he is like, if he prays for me & our future. I wonder what he likes & if he is a bed hog. Does he like coffee & will he get along with my family? I always wonder & I do a lot of talking to God about him. I usually get the same answer back which is usually along the lines of "be patient." Patience was never something I was good at but the last five months is something ive had to deal with.

Actually, before I started dating Aaron, i felt called by God to stop dating. I didn't date for maybe a year or two. Then Aaron came into my life & that was that. I don't really think that God is asking me to not date again, He is just asking me to really focus on listening to Him.

Something I really struggle with is lust & wanting to be with someone for the wrong reasons. God has really opened my eyes to this. The main reason my previous relationships have failed is because of me lusting after someone and putting things like sex before God in my relationships. The Bible makes it very clear about sex before marriage (& that will probably be a post within itself because I've got a lot to say on that topic) & I made the choice to not wait. It was MY choice & I realize now how I let that choice take control and ruin a lot of good things for me. I don't regret that I didn't wait, I am hurt that i let it take control. This is something I have always kept to myself because I was always worried about being judged for it, but I really feel its something a lot of people struggle with too and I feel like I need to talk about it because so many people can't. God blessed me with an ability to be able to speak with people and be open about things I struggle with. Sharing my struggles may help someone else who is secretly struggling with the same thing.

I prayed (& still do) that God places the right people into my life. Not only men, but females too. I feel like lately God has totally answered that. Ive been so so blessed by the amount of love and support i get daily. It's sometimes overwhelming.

Like I said in Facebook, I really encourage you all to really focus on putting your faith in God that He will bring you the right lady/gent when the timing is right. If you're like me, pray for patience too. Pray hard about your future & where God will take you. He knows far better than you or I do.

If there's something you wanna talk about/ questions you have for me. Please do not hesitate to write me. I'm an open book & love talking to people. I plan on doing a q&a soon (send me your questions. Whatever they be)

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God Bless.

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