Mikal.

I know I've mentioned Mikal a little bit before on the blog + I really haven't explained much because I feel like lately I've just been talking to guys, decide to date and then they can't hang anymore. I kind of feel like this blog is my child + I don't want to keep bringing people in and out of it's life, ya know? Anyways, I think it's okay for me to talk about this all now because I feel rather confident with things. Let's start at the beginning of things...

 Meet Mikal.

Almost two months ago, I was searching Facebook and ran across this guys page. I thought he was cute + I was super bored, so I added him. He accepted my friend request and we started messaging each other. I eventually told him all about my wreck, that I was paralyzed and all he said was "I have faith in you, you will walk again" Most people typically go for the "I'm so sorry, Sabrina. I can't imagine.. will you walk again?"..or something of the sort. He didn't even act like it phased him + I really liked that.

Fast forward a few weeks, Mikal and I were spending hours on the phone (typically any where from 1 to 5 hours). We would just talk about anything and everything. It was comforting to me to have someone to call and just vent to. He doesn't understand all my struggles, but he has grown up around similar situation. Even if he didn't understand, he still listened and that was really nice to me.

I guess over the last 8 months, I've kind of felt like I don't have many people to talk to that won't judge me and honestly the biggest thing is trying to cope mentally with knowing what's going on + what I'm "missing" with not being able to walk or do things easy anymore. I have never been a phone person but it was really a highlight of my day to call him every night before bed + just talk.

We decided that we wanted to meet up. I didn't want to rush a relationship again because I was worried that he wouldn't realized what all comes with my injury + he would bail just like other guys. We had made plans to go out for Valentines Day, but there was a chocolate sampling thing going on last weekend so we cleared it with my mum + made the plans to meet.

I won't lie, I was super nervous to meet him. We decided to meet at the mall + have lunch with my parents + just hang out until the chocolate thing started. Well, we were driving around + we noticed that the event sold out, so we called my parents and just came back to my house to watch movies and have dinner with my parents. 

He ended up stayed the whole weekend and left yesterday afternoon. I was super super sad to see him go but we made plans to see each other again in a few weeks when I make a trip back home.. I am super happy + it's really nice.

I also want to say that it is scary for me to start a relationship again. I feel like lately I have been trying to find happiness by being with someone and that isn't like me at all. I do start to have attacks of feeling like I'm less than deserving of being with someone (or being happy) because I am in the situation I am in. I get overwhelmed with thinking I'm "not good enough" because I am hurt and it's a lot for people to handle. At the same time, I think my injury shouldn't change how someone feels about me, but the truth of the matter is that it does + I worry about that. I think Mikal understands a lot and I've expressed my concerns about being in a relationship with him (especially one that is long distance.) I pray that God will keep us both grounded in Him + that Gods will will be done. That's really all I can do.

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