A Little Heart To Heart.

I've been meaning to write a personal post for a while now. If you're not here for that- don't stay. I know some people get so bent out of shape because bloggers decide to talk "too much about their personal life" on their blog- but hello, this is MY blog and I'll talk about what I want. I'm (not) sorry if that bothers you.




 I've been completely overwhelmed lately. I've been having a lot of anxiety and "bad days". Maybe it's because I'm a female + those things are just bound to happen, but there's a lot of my plate and I feel that it's showing through this blog. I love being able to come here + share my struggles with you all because you're all so full of positive things that help lift me up and remember why I'm still pushing. I love that about this blog + I am so thankful for each and every one of you that goes out of your way to comment this blog, tweet me or email me. Whatever you do- I'm super thankful that I have people who support me.

Let's talk about the personal stuff that's got me down + then we will get to this blog. It'll all come together, I promise.

I have been planning to move back home for a few months now. My therapy is coming to an end (I have about 5 visits left per insurance) and I need to figure something out so I can get back into a therapy center where I can continue working hard to get something back. I've been really stressed out because my therapist is such a negative Nancy + he holds me back so much. He never listens to me when I ask to try new things or be put on the treadmill so I can walk- He always finds an excuse + we waste another 45 minute session. I'm too much of a baby to step up and say something to him..I've tried but he just says I'm not ready. That aside- I need to move back home. I don't really have any leads on where I want to move + I'm kind of waiting on Mikal to get his stuff together so we can get a place together. I'm honestly afraid of living on my own and I need someone who can be there for me.

With all that weighing on me- I worry about school. I am so ready to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Go back to doing things I would have done if I never would have had my car accident. It's been a year (and some) and I need to stop letting it hold me back. I know what I want to go to school for but I don't know where I want to go. I want to go for Graphic Design + Photography but I don't think I'm ready for going back to a campus- I want to take online classes. I've sent out emails to the school here so I can try to start taking classes before the new semester starts. I am so stressed about that and trying to move.

Then I'm planning this trip to Florida for my 21st birthday. I don't think it's my place to explain to anyone or justify why I'm wanting to get away- I just do. I've been trying to save up money + so far I'm doing good. However, I'm going back home this weekend + I'll be staying with Mikal for a while. He wants me to stay until we leave for Florida but I just don't think I can manage that. Not only would it be hard to save money there, I have medical needs I have to meet + I can't meet those needs in Indiana when everything is still in Tennessee. If I stay for the time Mikal wants me to- I have to take Gregory with me. Gregory is my cat + Mikal seems to think that Greg gave his house fleas. I've sprayed Gregory here but I'm just worried it won't be good enough. Mikal doesn't really have a job right now- so I'm saving up the money for Florida by myself + when I stay with him, I'll be spending money for our food + living expenses. He gets money every now + then when he does odd jobs but that isn't going to be enough to pay for both of us to eat. He's also trying to get his car fixed + it's just a lot of stress that is really bringing me down. Mikal is trying to get a job but it isn't that easy + he does the very best he can for right now. I'm just super worried about money so I felt the need to save up for Florida by myself. He is going to help but I have always tried to depend on myself . and that's what I'm doing now. Mikal is a great guy + I don't want this to seem as anything other than that. It isn't like he just sits around and lets me pay for everything- He is doing all he can + I know that. It's just my personality to make sure things are taking care of so I depend on myself. I chose to pay for everything and save up by myself.

I hate to gush such personal stuff- but all this stress is showing in my blog. I haven't been excited to blog lately. I just know I have a schedule to meet + I do it half- assed so I can say it's done. That's not what I want for this blog. I want to enjoy doing it again but with everything else that's going on- blogging seems like a hassle to me.

I am sorry if this post was the most boring thing you've ever read- if you even read it all. I just really am sorry I've sucked so bad lately. I will still blog as much as I can but if I don't feel up to blogging that day- I may not always post. I hope you understand + if you don't, well I'm sorry.

Thanks.